i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
