Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
