At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
