best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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