legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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