i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
