You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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