Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
