i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
