Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
