is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
