You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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