I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
