6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
