i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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