i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So squirting runs in the family.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize