someone get that fucking seahorse.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
