I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
