I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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