I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
