Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
