we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
