We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
