i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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