i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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