Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
