well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
