I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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