yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
