I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
