if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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