Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
