my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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