My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
