dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
