You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
