Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
