u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i came on her dog
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If I die, sorry about rent.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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