Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize