When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
