I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
