Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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