PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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