Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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