If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
