I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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