i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
