im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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