Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
