Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
