my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
