He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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