I will die if light touches me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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