you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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