i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
