Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
