You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
