who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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