Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
