Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
