I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
