she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize