1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
