you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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