I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Terrible idea I love it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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