i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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