Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
