Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
