i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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