Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
