No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
