i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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