East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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