Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
barbara walters just said penis...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
