Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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