Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
