Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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