Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
