only you would photoshop your dick
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize